He Who Shall Remain Nameless
Ok Maa & I 100%, no doubt stumbled into a coffee shop that's a front for a gangster. I'm gonna keep this place nameless bc I don't think there's any danger but I also don't not think there's danger 🫣
This is a spot that's kinda out of the way from the walkable part of the neighborhood next to us, but it's near a mall so I figured it would be fine? It's labelled as a coffee spot online with like 4.7 stars & 500+ reviews on Google so I thought it would be a good spot for me to hit up for my third wave coffee tour. Right? WRONG.
The vibes felt SO OFF the minute we walked in. The place itself was really small, maybe like 4 small tables and a huge counter & behind the bar space with two baristas. When we walked in, the place was full of dudes with a certain look— imagine the cast of Satya. Their leader basically snapped his fingers and two guys vacated the table closest to the counter for us. I turned to look and dude looked like every low level, neighborhood gangster straight out of a Bollywood movie fr. He was rocking huge oversized shades, had his unbuttoned black button down shirt rolled up to his sleeves with the black beater underneath, a dark gangster scarf even though it was a thousand degrees outside, and was lounging like a king holding court. Idk why we didn't turn and just leave right then considering not five mins after we did leave, Maa & I turned to each other with "what the actual fuck was that" looks.
His squad included a consigliere who was non-stop talking about large sums of money with decidedly bribey undertones and govt offices that he was in contact with. There was a behemoth linebacker who was posted up by the entrance, a handful of runner-type dudes, and the business guy in the corner who was quietly on his laptop the whole time. The other sus things were that there was a huge "No Photography" sign even though the cafe (like so many these days) was designed like an instagrammable dream. And right by the counter in my line of sight, was a tv with a grid of 12 live CCTV angles of the interior and exterior of this place. TWELVE. Of a cute lil coffee shop. BOMBASTIC SIDE EYE
On to the coffee lol.. I got a iced rose latte which was way too light on the coffee but not too sweet with the rose flavoring. It was served in one of those giant glasses that milkshakes come in so no wonder it was like, all milk and ice. Maa opted for a side of fries that were also not good. I snuck one pic of my drink with the lil dried flower garnishes but didn't wanna fuck around and find out how serious they were about the no photos rules.
We basically stayed long enough to finish our things and then booked it to the safety of the mall lol. I didn't think anything would happen to us at the hands of these guys but I didn't want to get in the middle of anything this dude was involved in. Based on a phone call the consigliere made, a business associate was on the way to this spot for a meeting and I've read enough Mario Puzo to know how some "meetings" go down.
What an experience.
